092820

I'm in pain because hormones, so my brain decides its a good time to relive emotional trauma. I should be sleeping. I wonder who I would've been if things had turned out differently. But I guess it doesn't matter, I can only move forward, apparently. Things aren't even that bad, I guess. 

092220

My feet are so swollen. My blood pressure is high. My knees hurt. I just want to cry.

090420

I have a lot of anxiety. I want to be a better person but I'm not very motivated to work on things. Got a couple hours off work today, paid even. I'm sick of being lonely. But I don't want to settle. Only a couple more months of being pregnant. I can't wait to meet you, baby Neil. But I don't want you to come just yet. Called to sign up for wic finally. I'm not doing horrible, really, I just feel like I'm not good enough and I'd like to balance it out.

082520

Guess it's been a bit. Kenzie told mom that at first he'll just come over here to see Neil. So that's quite a relief if it's true. I'm in the third trimester now. I feel like I'm not ready but I'm sure as hell going to do my best. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm a bit depressed but mostly I have little motivation. I've been trying to read, at least. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have my life in order. I'm tired a lot. Work is tough but I'm going to stick it out as long as I can. I also don't plan on taking too much off if I can help it. I just want to be a good person and I struggle with it a lot. But I guess I could be worse, too. And nobody's perfect. 

080920

I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I find myself questioning my self. I spend most of my time doing things and I don't know why or how I got like this. I don't know if I'm ready for the future. I feel like my personality is too much. The world is a scary place and I just try to do my best. I should be sleeping right now, but I'm not. I don't know what I mean. 

071920

Started back to work at 50%. It's pretty tough. I pulled my groin. I hate the heat. I've been reading a bit more. I feel like crap. Not much else.

061720

Waiting for my new phone. Found out today, baby is a boy. Gonna name him Neil. Jc is still missing, probably gonna get a new cat or kitten. I don't have much to say.