013120

I picked out my new glasses today. I waited an hour and probably would've been longer if I didn't say something at half an hour. I'm meeting this guy tonight, I'm really nervous and kind of excited. He seems great, but after everything that's happened, I'm a little skeptical. I just keep trying to tell myself it'll be okay. I did finally read yesterday. I think I might take a quick nap.

012920

Maybe I read and write more when things are bad. Music is good all the time. I can't believe it's almost Feb. I don't have much I want to say, I just realized I hadn't put anything on here in a bit. I'm getting new glasses Fri.

012220

I had a lot of good dreams last night, but I don't really remember them now. One of my coworkers got a promotion so we're going to get a new person soon. I need to read today, I didn't yesterday and I'm not sure about the day before. I checked out an audiobook on Latin. I've been listening to music a lot. I almost passed out Monday. I need a new car. I think I'm going to record some of my poems.

011920

I'm pretty depressed, but I'm trying to push through it. I'm going to church again. I don't know if I'll ever get it. My back hurts. I saw a new counselor, she seems ok so far. I'm having my makeup singing lesson tomorrow. It's finally acting like winter. I just want to find my place in the world. I haven't been writing and I don't remember if I read yesterday. I didn't want to get dressed today, but I did. I don't know what else to say right now.

011520

I didn't plan on being awake yet. My thoughts are buzzy. There are things I could be doing but I'm trying to enjoy the quiet (except there's traffic so it's not really quiet). I have a lot on my mind, all the time. I've been having dreams that would've scared me before but now they just are. I somehow ended up with a pretty busy week. But I don't want to be bored, so I'll take it. I should probably just keep a journal since I doubt anyone reads this, but maybe one day, someone will. I wrote again yesterday, a poem. I like writing.

011320

Entered a poetry contest today.

I either want to go back to school, start volunteering again, or get a second job.

Got kind of a busy week ahead. Today was the first day I didn't get the urge to write in over a week.

Just trying to do better.

I won't let this depression win.

011220

I asked God to never be hurt again, and I heard a clap of thunder and my light flickered out. I said, "you heard me?" and there was another clap of thunder. I've written an album's worth of poems in the last week, plus blogging and the story for the program Friday. All this while losing my mind, holding it together somehow because I have to. 

I like the date.

011120

Had a bit of a psychotic break yesterday. Kept it together somehow. Guess that medication was doing more harm than good. Stopped taking it. Spent more time writing, reading, engaging with music. Watched some videos. There's a full moon. Got a nightgown. Is there anyone out there? It's rainy and supposed to be warm and windy today. I'm remembering who I used to be, and figuring out if it still fits me. Time Will tell.

010920

Started reading a new book today.  Wrote a poem. Had to leave work early because I had a panic attack. First time I've missed any since May. Sang a lot. Talked some things out. My first kiss, yeah, it's her birthday today. Haven't heard from her in years, but it's okay. Thinking about getting another tattoo. I think I've lost some weight. Took a short nap.

010820

Been on a crazy emotional rollercoaster ride. Insomnia hardcore. Paranoia, mood swings. But I'm still getting my things done that need to be done (eating is tough and sleeping obviously- maybe I should've gotten stoned but I'm about that sober life). I've been social and creative, though, which I adore. Also trying to quit smoking, I'm about half and half (patch in the morning, then cigarettes at night). For some reason, I can never meet romantic interests in person, and the ones I meet online want to go too fast.

010620

Officially single again. I can't date anyone because I'm interested in this one guy and no matter how hard I try, nobody seems to measure up, which is kinda crazy because I don't know him real well. But I keep trying to fight it and I instead of going away, I actually thought to myself the other day that I love him. I don't know what to do. I could really use some stronger guidance than I'm getting. I cried a few times at work today, but I made it through. I'm trying to quit smoking, but I took the patch off early and had one so far. Will try again tomorrow. I'm going through a lot of stuff and it's tough, but I guess that's what I'm built for. I'm scared that this won't work out, but what if it does?

010520

I've had a lot of energy lately. I don't know if it's too much or if it's okay. I've been trying to be productive with it, though, besides the few days when I had a cold, I tried to take it easy. Does anyone read this? Do I care? Things are good and it's scary, but I'm trying to go with it and enjoy life while I can.