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Starting a new blog tomorrow, twenty twenty didn't win, 2020lost.blogspot.com

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I had the worst anxiety last night. I couldn't sleep well because my stomach was in knots. All because of something I have little control over. I don't know if I said, but my counselor believes I have ptsd. It fits. Christmas was good though. They didn't pick up garbage last week. I've been trying to keep busy. My skin is so messed up. I'm lonely. Today is the full moon. I should really be doing things but I'm exhausted and need to rest.

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Have been so busy. I'm tired. 

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Good good good. Much yes. Very happy. 

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I've been writing, drawing, playing my guitar. Started back to work, it's really quiet. They're partially shutting us down again but we're not losing any hours. Haven't been overeating. Things are pretty good and I'm not used to it. Lots more to say but who's reading this, anyway. 

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So I got 15/100 pages of my novel. There's like a foot or so of snow, all since last night. I'm really struggling. Kenzie is such an asshole, I don't even want to get into it. I got cleared to go back to work but I honestly don't know if I'm ready for it emotionally, but whenever they want to put me on the schedule I'll be there. Set the tree up. Bought some stuff I will need/will enjoy. Trying to get in the spirit because I'm seriously depressed with this single mom shit. He's awesome, I'm shit. Mom and dad take care of him more than me and mom still does more around here than she reasonably should. And I can see it taking a toll and it kills me. Then all the drama with Kenzie's fucking rights. And I'm just so stressed out I want to run away. I've been crying. And I know it'll be rewarding when I get things more under control but I feel so worthless right now. 

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It's been kinda crazy. First, my youngest niece had to get tested. It was positive, so her parents and sisters got tested. My brother and sister in law are positive, the girls were negative. Then my other brother tested positive. Thought my parents, the baby and I would have to get tested but they said without symptoms not to because there's a limited amount of tests. Then today, my mom was talking on the phone and started crying like crazy. The older of my brothers went to the hospital because he couldn't breathe. We were so scared. They did a couple tests and gave him a steroid and prescription for an inhaler. Told him to go back if it got worse. I'm still very concerned about everyone. I've been praying. I really hope everyone gets better and nobody else gets sick.