092820

I'm in pain because hormones, so my brain decides its a good time to relive emotional trauma. I should be sleeping. I wonder who I would've been if things had turned out differently. But I guess it doesn't matter, I can only move forward, apparently. Things aren't even that bad, I guess. 

092220

My feet are so swollen. My blood pressure is high. My knees hurt. I just want to cry.

090420

I have a lot of anxiety. I want to be a better person but I'm not very motivated to work on things. Got a couple hours off work today, paid even. I'm sick of being lonely. But I don't want to settle. Only a couple more months of being pregnant. I can't wait to meet you, baby Neil. But I don't want you to come just yet. Called to sign up for wic finally. I'm not doing horrible, really, I just feel like I'm not good enough and I'd like to balance it out.